some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
