I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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