Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
