connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
