Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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