Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
