dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
