I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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