I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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