weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
