tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
