Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
