There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FUCK WHALES
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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