I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
