Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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