I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
