rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
