I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
