i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
