I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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