I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
