You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
