I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
