Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
