Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
