You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
