A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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