i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
