That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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