There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
