Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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