im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
