so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
