As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
