just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
