Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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