dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
