i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
