I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
