Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
