If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize