I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
