just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
