we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
