I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
