I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
