I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
