dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
