Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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