This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm too high and old for this...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
