I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
