Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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