I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
