Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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