Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
