I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize