dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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