I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
