we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
