if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
