He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
