your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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