Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have feelings that need drinking.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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