the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
