Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
