That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
