Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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