this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
