I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
