i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
