the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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