I faked an abortion last night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
