you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
nutella sex= disaster
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
