I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
