someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
