Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
