Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
