Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
