I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
