Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
