Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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