i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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