Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
