i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize