Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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