i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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