Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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