I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
