she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
