Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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