My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
soo... how was my night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
