you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize