i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
