saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
