if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
