Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize