i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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