id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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