a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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