I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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