You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
