He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I won the penis lottery.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
