I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
