I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
