I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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