About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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